Sunday, August 31, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Once you have kids you realize you are living your own television reality show. Earlier this year Joelle would have gotten top credit. We would see her saunter in stage right while the camera jitters slightly above the distant couch following her to the refrigerator. We all chuckle anticipating the moment. She clunks the door open against the cabinets and begins searching for her breakfast. “Go-gurt ” is the first happy prize and it goes directly to her seat at the table.
Back to the fridge.
A tortilla gets the nod. The whole bag of 10 dangling from chubby fingers makes it to the table.
Back to the fridge.
Hmmm… She pauses at the fridge again. A half can of cat food in a clear plastic bag wags it’s way to the kitchen table. (At our house anything in a plastic sandwich bag is defined as a “car snack”.)
Satisfied with the provisions, Joelle then dutifully climbs in to her plastic red and blue booster seat, sits and begins her breakfast. Most of the tortilla disappears with the “Go-gurt” oozing down her chin in between bites. Joelle pauses to consider the feast carefully. The camera pans in close over the half eaten items laid out on the table lingering on the untouched can of cat food. We cringe awaiting the worst. Suddenly we hear a sound off camera. It’s that sound that sets off that red phone in every parent’s brain: liquid hitting the floor. The camera rushes over to catch Joelle carefully trying to pour a previously full gallon of milk in to a small cup on top of several open moving boxes. The camera follows the graceful waterfall down the boxes to a growing white pond pooling on the floor around Joelle's feet. Suddenly the camera jumps up to catch Joelle tilting the gallon of milk to her lips to take country style swig and of course she becomes the waterfall.
At this point more than 5 years ago (pre-children) I would sit smug on my couch and with grim certainty begin composing my parenting lecture. Now that I have children I simply sigh with the relief only a parent has when seeing another parent fighting the good fight. The grandparents smirk, inwardly vindicated, I told them: “Just you wait until you have a child of you own."
In reality only about 5 minutes have passed. The camera flips over to Janice in the next room grimacing as she disposes of a rather large diaper. An experienced parent can see her “mother radar” is blaring but so is our 8 month old Evelyn. She grabs Evelyn and follows the maternal warnings kitchen. She rounds the corner and finds Joelle chugging the milk. We now find out how to clearly pronounce “Joelle Elise Stewart” and some moderate discipline ensues. Then camera angles behind the kitchen table capturing the untouched cat food and contained laughter as Janice see it on the table. She turns to Joelle and explains (again) the predefined procedure for 2 year olds and meals (ask mommy or daddy). The episode fades to a preview of the next show: a quietly sleepy daddy with a giggling mini-Spiderman above him on the couch ready to pounce.
Why should I pay for cable?